


i cant save us

by jakeydillinger (orphan_account)



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Death, M/M, Spoilers, Teen Angst, alternative title: dallas winston has emotions other than anger, dally is sad, i wrote this while mike wazoski was talking tome, sorry mike wazoski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 13:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12772380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/jakeydillinger
Summary: dally reflects on his life without johnnyor, johnny was the one person dally loved and now johnny is gone.





	i cant save us

**Author's Note:**

> hey sluts i wrote this while my dear friend was talkin 2 me abt their grades and i was listening to sad songs so if this is shitty blame them not me im a good writer i promise

Dally didn’t die a hero. He died violent and young and desperate, just like we all knew he’d die someday. But Johnny was right, He died gallant.

Dallas winston loved johnny. In many ways, truthfully. in ways he shouldn't love him. he looked at johnny with pure admiration in his eyes, a type of love unable to be tainted by the violent and unforgiving ways of the world. the love dally felt for johnny was pure. dallas could never control his impulses except for one. all he wanted to do was hold johnny's hand, kiss his cheeks, hold him. but he didn't say anything. he couldn't. if he tried, his hands would get sweaty and he would stutter. his lungs would burn and chest hung heavy. his body was trying, begging dallas not to confess. he knew what would happen if people found out about dallas' pure love. they would ridicule him. they would try and taint it. Dallas wasn't used to love; he didn't even want it. frankly, he hated it. there was a permenant lump in his throat, his stomach churning whenever he saw johnny smile or heard his laugh. he felt guilty for loving johnny. he shouldn't feel this way, and he hated himself for it.

but even though everything he's ever known was agaisnt it, he still felt that way. it was pure, it was untouchable. he could get high off of it. it was all too much. he wasn't.. he wasn't ready for this. he's never loved anyone before. Dally was strong, and he was cold, and he was mean and apathetic. he doesn't love. he doesn't even know the feeling. no one has ever shown him even an ounce of affection or love; he raised himself. he grew up and made his own rules. he didn't follow the ones society had put in place for him; No. he didn't care about whatever anyone else had to say. But.. This one thing..

Even then, dallas saw how johnny looked at him. Johnny worshipped the ground dallas walked on, and dally knew it. He tried so hard to protect johnny, shield him from anything that could hurt him. his effort wasn't enough. he failed time and time again. he wanted to scream, kick, break things. he couldn't. he wasn't enough. he couldn't do anything to help johnny because dallas wasn't enough. But he kept trying, he tried oh-so hard. He saw how anxious johnny was, paranoia tainting and mending johnny's mind. It was as if he was watching johnny getting tortured, and he tried so hard to help him- but there was glass seperating them. He banged, he screamed, he fought and he kicked, but nothing broke the glass. Johnny screamed for dally, cried and begged. Dallas watched. he couldn't do anything.

  
Dallas loved, and he loved, and Dallas lost. Dallas lost everything he had ever loved.

Dally watched the light flicker out of johnny's eyes, dally watched his chest stop rising and falling, dally watched johnny die. He couldn't do anything except watch.

When johnny had finally died; when his heart stopped beating, when his lungs failed and he finally died, the world went dark. dally didn't feel a single thing. he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. he was dumbfounded, and he begged, he cried, and he sobbed, and he begged. he pleaded for johnny to be okay. but the world has never shown dallas mercy before, and it wasn't going to start now. it was like dallas was cursed; everything he touched got hurt.

 

dally was never the smartest kid. he flunked out of school early, he raised himself. he got little to no education and spent his entire life smoking and drinking. He was never smart, everyone was well aware. But they had atleast thought dally had some common sense.

Bullets entering him, his skin burned. he felt the life soak out of him. he collapsed to the ground and used all of the strength he had left to stay alive, just stay alive, dallas- you'll live, dally, you'll live. But did he even want to continue living? the one person he loved; the only being in this entire universe dallas loved.. a life wouldn't be worth living without johnny. without johnny he was just a hood. he was a no-good uneducated hood that wouldn't amount to anything. he would never love again, he would always be who he was now. and he wasn't a good person. Dally was tough, tough as fucking metal. but strength isn't all you need when trying to protect someone; he relied too much on his strength, and johnny slipped right between his fingers. he was too late.

he hears the gangs' screams, their strings of curses and sobs. he sees pony. he lets himself grin; a broken grin. dallas' last word was pony. Ponyboy... Gosh, he was johnny's buddy. one of johnny's best. he wanted that kid to live, truly. Losing dally wasn't even much of a loss. No one needed him around. the only person that cared; the only one that believed in him. He was gone. So what if dally died?

 

"Two friends of mine had died that night; one a hero, the other a hoodlum."

**Author's Note:**

> i broke my got damn promise


End file.
